How to Tell If Your Date is Really Gay

So you’ve decided to go out, enjoy and indulge in some active gay dating. It is a known fact that one of the most awkward situations in gay dating is when you can’t tell whether your friend is dating material or just that… a friend.

The best thing to do is to heighten your gaydar (read: gay radar). So does this “sixth sense” come in handy when dating? Of course. You would not want to be in those extremely embarrassing revelations that happen to countless gay men and unsuspecting women right? Ever uttered the lines Oh, sorry I thought you1b23120d653fc75769a3a7f3a9598d9399a445493acd2e41a6a373c5 were…or I did not have a clue that you are… or Wow, I really thought you were into me…? If you have, then it’s time to sharpen your gaydar. To do this, you must be keenly familiar with gay life, whether this be the gay look, gay speak, gay sport, and others. Do note that the following tips are not 100% foolproof. There are always exceptions to the rule and there IS still a chance that that sweaty (and somewhat smelly) hunk across the street is indeed dating material.

Gay Look. Clothing-wise, gays do not really differ much from straight men. Both value their physical appearance and demeanor so seeing a well-groomed and freshly bathed guy does not mean he’s gay. Now you might say that fingernail paint is surely a telltale sign that he’s gay right? Well, not quite, unless of course you think soccer superstar (ok, God to some) David Beckham is gay! Men like Beckham are what people call metrosexuals, that is, men that are straight yet embody the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men. They are simply very urban straight men who are in touch with their feminine side.

So, what IS the gay look? Don’t just go by the clothes. See how he ‘reacts’ to his clothes or environment. A guy with fingernail paint may be ‘cool’ but having his painted twinkie up in the air when he holds his glass to sip a drink is a flag shouting ‘gay’! Also, check out the overall look. Clean clothes are ok but, super groomed hair, white socks gleaming shoes and a ready handkerchief too? Perfume also tells a lot. Many straight men go for the clean and neat look but they wouldn’t be caught dead using COCO Channel no. 5.

Gayspeak. Examine your conversation with your date. Does he use subtle communication? For example, does he use genderless pronouns to describe a partner? Other features of speech distinguish gay men, these include stressed pronunciation, a wide pitch range, breathy tones, the use (or misuse) of long s and z’s when talking, and the pronunciation of t and d as ts and dz. Moreover, they frequently engage in ritual insults, irony, sarcasm, sexual and erotic reference, women-related imagery and metaphor.

Gay Refugees To Czech Republic Tested With Straight Porn

There are shit countries around the world that imprison, torture, or put to death people, just because they’re gay. Some awesome countries will actually accept some gays from oppressive countries as refugees or asylum seekers. The Czech Republic in Europe is a country that accepts refugees who fear for their lives because of their sexuality. That’s pretty wicked of them.

What is not wicked, is the bizarre test they administer to such asylum seekers to prove their gayness, they force gay refugees to watch straight porn while their dick is attached to a device that measures how hard it’s getting. WTF!

The Czech’s reasoning is anyone could make up a story about being a persecuted homosexual and use it as a cover to immigrate easily. So they have to be sure…. so they administer this bizarre test, if the test subject’s cock gets too hard they don’t pass, they’re judged straight and refused entry.

MMA and Gay Porn, So Hot!

Over the last seven or eight years, one of my truly guilty pleasures has become watching Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) competitions. The unique combination of highly precise physical movements with nearly unrestrained violence is one source of its appeal, tapping into some animalistic, primal part of me that simply enjoys watching two tattoo-slathered, douchebag jocks beat, twist and grind each other into submission.

Of course, there’s another reason why MMA has found a home on my TV set: the sport’s occasionally striking similarity (heheh; see what I did there?) to gay porn.

For example, when two male competitors are entwined in what is euphemistically called the “north-south position,” what you really have is two scantily clad men 69-ing in a cage. Now that’s hot! Sure, the real goal is to literally crush the other guy, not make him cum in your mouth, but still, all that Brazilian jiu-jitsu and other grappling routinely results in porn-friendly positions that invoke the time-honored pairing of pleasure and pain.

Watching some fights the other night, it occurred to me that these guys aren’t doing nearly enough to take advantage of their opponents’ possible homophobia. To wit, I’ve never seen a fighter attempt an escape from a choke hold by subtly pressing his finger into his opponent’s butt crack while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Can you imagine the angst, if not outright panic, that it would cause in some of these HGH-fueled brutes to have their opponent openly trying to arouse and pleasure them in the middle of a cage fight? Picture some macho man from Curitiba with his rival’s head stuck between his thighs during a triangle choke; what do you think his reaction would be if the guy stuck in the choke started to stick out his tongue toward the choker’s groin while gently caressing his buttocks, and maybe throwing in a quick wink while he was at it? I think the guy in the dominant position might just release that choke hold and literally sprint toward the cage door in a made-for-Pay-Per-View “gay panic” moment for the ages.

Pressing the gay panic button wouldn’t just be effective for fighters stuck in a bad spot, either. Consider, for example, the delightfully and provocatively named “rear naked choke” position, wherein one man “back mounts” the other (seriously, that’s the real MMA term for the move; I did not make this shit up) and slips one forearm under his opponent’s chin while clasping his own arm with his other hand, with the goal of either choking out the victim, or forcing him to tap out.

In many cases, the rear naked choke position becomes a stalemate, as the man being choked is able to use both of his hands to prevent the aggressor from closing off the choke. Faced with such an impasse, I think it would be highly effective for the aggressor to press his lips against his prey’s ear and say something like: “You feel that hard thing pressing into your back right now? Well, it’s NOT my cup, sexy boy.”