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First
Things First
I am 20 years old and not living with my parents right now,
but I have problems with them. I am gay and still not outed,
but I think my parents know this.
The problem is they are very conservative and don't accept such "immoral" behavior.
I am a man with high moral values in life, aim to have a very
good education, and would of course be happy if I could find
a great love. But at the moment I am not happy.
I am handsome and a good student, but this doesn't make me happy
without love and caring. I am afraid to speak to my parents because
I know how they would react. I am afraid to show someone I love
him, because I was constantly told the behavior of gays is totally
wrong and they are all crazy.
I think my
parents, especially my mother, said this in order to change
me. The problem is I wasn't always
gay. I was "made" gay
by a man, when I was a child. He didn't rape me, but he influenced
me so much that since then I consider men as the object of my
sexual and love life.
So I can't have a normal relationship and be happy, because
this would break the rules created by my parents. Please, could
you give me some advice on what to do, how to overcome my fear,
and how to live my own life. Best wishes!
Robert
Robert, we don't see counseling as a panacea, but there are
times when it can be extremely useful.
This is what we suggest.
Shop around for a counselor you feel comfortable with, and make
sure it is someone who has no problem with being gay and no agenda
about homosexuality.
With that
person you need to explore what is going on here. Your parents
have a problem with gays. You do,
too. Are you attracted
to men in the sense that it is deeply a part of your nature,
or is there something to your statement that you feel you were "made" gay?
You need to first come to terms with who you are, and who you
are not, before worrying about anyone else's reaction. Once that
is done, the next task will be bringing your inner world and
your outer world into alignment.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached
at
www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO
65801 or email:
DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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